Four County Mental Health Center, Inc.  Serving Chautauua, Elk, Montgomery and Wilson County, Kansas

 "Four County Mental Health Center  is dedicated to providing  accessible, innovative services in partnership with individuals, families and our communities."

In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is.
   
 
   
     The loss of a loved one is life’s most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis.  When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected.  Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process.  Some emotions you may experience include: denial, disbelief, confusion, shock, sadness, yearning, anger, humiliation, despair, and guilt.  These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change.  You may even begin to doubt the stability of your mental health.  These feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss.

Remember — It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.  It is not easy to cope after a loved one dies.     

You will mourn and grieve.  Mourning is the natural process you go through to accept a major loss.  Grieving is the outward expression of your loss.  For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression.

It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings.  Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied.  At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving forever.  Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness.

Many people report physical symptoms that accompany grief.  Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.

Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain.

  • Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss.  Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.

  • Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.

  • Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.

  • Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.

  •  Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

  • Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

 

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.